A Program For Great Sex For Life Long Lovers
Exercises For A Better Sex Life Within A Committed Relationship (Page 2)
Here are more suggestions you can use to deal with different situations that may crop up in your relationship.
These are additional to the sensate focus exercises and the emotional expressions exercises, which you might want to incorporate into your sex life on an ongoing basis. Of course, it can be fun to try these anyway, even if they are not a suitable prescription for your particular issue! (There are more suggestions here.)
Take your pick from whatever seems most suitable.....
Change Your Patterns (With a simple game)
What is there about your partner that you'd like to be different? Unless you have an absolutely perfect sex life, there's bound to be something which you'd prefer to be different. Perhaps it's the way they kiss you, or some other aspect of their sexual etiquette.
It can sometimes be a bit daunting to broach these subjects with our partners, but there is a game you can play which makes it a lot easier.
You select some aspect of your partner's behaviour that you do like and think would be a good model for them in bed, and then you take turns alternating statements like this: "I wish you kissed me more like you ..."
Of course the difficulty might be thinking of a perfect example of how you'd like them to be! "I wish you stroked my breasts more like you stroke the cat" suddenly comes to mind, perhaps because of the association of breasts and pussy.
Or how about: "I wish you licked my clit more like you lick your ice cream." And so on....this can be hilarious, and get you giggling together again like children - which is no bad thing, since recapturing your childlikeness helps you enjoy making love, since sex comes from the playful, energetic part of your personality.
Why not try it and see where it takes you?
Turn Yourself ON! (And get aroused!)
We discussed earlier on the website how we manage to turn ourselves off so we don't get aroused in what we see as inappropriate situations.
We also saw how it might be a good idea to turn ourselves on sexually, so that we can take that energy back home to our relationships with our partners and (hopefully) enjoy passionate sex with them.
Remember that passionate sex can spread diseases - so always enjoy safe sex, and make sure that any infections - including minor things like yeast infections - are dealt with correctly before you make love.
The best way to let yourself get turned on is to think sexually: to fantasise about the people you see around you; to be aware when sexual energy creeps up on you; to allow yourself to feel the excitement of getting wet or enjoy the tingle in your groin as you become more erect.
This takes you above and beyond your response -- or lack of it -- to the sexual images that you see around you everywhere - on TV, in the media, on advertising hoardings.......In fact, those images are not particularly arousing.
They tend to be so remote from our everyday lives that after a while they have very little impact on us.
But the reality is that all of us have sexual feelings and needs, suppressed though they may be. If you can become more aware of your sexual feelings you will be more attuned to your sexuality, and more easily aroused with your partner.
It's quite possible for this energy to add vibrancy and energy to your daily life; for one thing, you're more in tune with your internal rhythm and feelings, and for another sexual energy is indeed the most fundamental form of vital energy.
Naturally, none of this is to say that you should either feel or behave like a sex crazed person, leering and blatantly advertising your arousal at the slightest provocation.
What it does mean is that you can bring to your sexual energy a certain maturity which allows you to appreciate the sexual potential of the people around you and the situations in which you find yourself, without acting out that sexuality until you get home to your partner.
Remember, no-one knows what you're thinking when you fantasise about what's happening in the hotel room next to yours when the bed creaks, nor when you mentally undress strangers and imagine what they would look like lying on your bed naked.
If that kind of thing seems too threatening, ask yourself why you have a problem seeing people as they truly are without their clothes on, or enjoying sex. Fantasising like this is neither criminal nor immoral -- in fact it's actually quite natural.
I was once a relationship with a woman who got quite offended when I told her that I imagined the couples around us in bed and what they might look like as they had sex.
It took me quite some time to realise that actually she was the one who was depriving herself of a simple sexual pleasure and a certain amount of stimulation ... after all, most couples (all couples?) enjoy having sex. So what's unnatural about imagining them doing it?
And finally, remember that you will probably become aroused! That's actually the object of these exercises, so if it happens don't be alarmed! Don't turn yourself off, and don't squash your sexual feelings into oblivion. Let yourself experience them! Why not?
And if you have problems controlling your ejaculation during sexual intercourse, try learning how to develop control in bed with some simple techniques.
These are the kinds of sexual fantasies that we enjoyed when we were teenagers -- if you've forgotten what that was like, then it might be helpful for you to just lie down and close your eyes and think back to your teenage years.
Imagine yourself as the sexual being that you were, with all that sexual energy flowing freely through your body, allowing you to fantasise about almost anyone who caught your attention.
And today? Well, for one thing you can extend the exercise described above by flirting.
Flirting doesn't have to be damaging to your relationship; nor does close dancing with a friend or stranger! You can allow yourself to become sexually aroused, rather than feeling you have to turn yourself off: it's possible the person to whom you're responding might be shocked if they sense your arousal - but then again, it's equally possible they might be flattered by it.
You can bear in mind that any response they have to you is the product of their own sexual framework, not yours.
And as long as your intentions are self-centred -- that is to say, as long as you are transferring the energy of your arousal to your home, where you can improve the sex you have with your partner -- no harm is done.
Move that butt! (Get some exercise!)
It's an unfortunate fact that few of us get enough exercise these days. It's also an unfortunate fact that when you're fat and flabby and out of condition, you don't want much sex.
One of the best ways of stimulating desire is to take some exercise: it does two things -- you reduce your stress and increase your energy.
You might be surprised what happens if you try going to the gym, taking a swim, or even just enjoying a brisk walk with your partner between arriving home after work and going to bed. Feeling fit is an essential part of being a healthy, sexual man.
But there are other things too - for example, feeling psychologically like a mature man is vitally important.